My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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