I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
