How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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