Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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