at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
it's not cheating when I paid for it
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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