So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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