Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So many bounce houses so little time
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
