i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
