There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Dick very happy bro
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
