You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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