I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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