Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
