3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
