you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
