Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
