hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
should my penis look like a turkey
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
