it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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