Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
