dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
