I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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