I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize