i may or may not be watching the land before time
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
