Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
