Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
40s are totally the cure
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
