i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
