Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
