Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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