We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize