Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So vagazzling was a success
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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