he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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