Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
