If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I have fence marks all over my body
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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