I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Small penises have feelings too.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize