So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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