why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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