marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
