I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
