Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
