WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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