Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize