I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
