Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize