I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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