Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
