I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
