Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
