just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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