So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
