And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
