I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
