Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
