I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
