the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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