he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
