I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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