I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
