There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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