is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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