i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
