it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
