Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
