New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
