Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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