your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
