I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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