Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
