Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
