My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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