If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
