thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
