I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
