This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
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