Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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