I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
