And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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