my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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