i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
