Duck Duck Cougar?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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