I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I FOUND THE LEGS
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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