his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
