I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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