remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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