Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
