youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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