I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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