My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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