Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
i now understand why vodka
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
