and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
