so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
