So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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