ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
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