I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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