I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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