Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize