WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
It's just like the Real World with babies
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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